went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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