when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
