"it" just moved
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
