i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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