I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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