Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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