HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
