You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
