I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
