There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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