She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
