I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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