Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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