he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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