Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
