Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
