I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
