remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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