Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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