where am i from again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
