sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
