omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have fence marks all over my body
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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