Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
