If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
