Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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