People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
