is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
