Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize