The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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