He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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