whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
