I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
