Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We're too hungover to prance.
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