I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
