I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
