Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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