I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
