Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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