did you get engaged???
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize