Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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