how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
