And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
