I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
