I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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