I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
