New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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