I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
