i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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