I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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