If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
