There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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