You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
