Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
