i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
