Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
