I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
