the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has the fingertips of a God
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