i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
