I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
