you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
