I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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