so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
