Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
